Sales Talk

We, the Hubbies, were ambling along Bonifacio High Street, chatting about such banalities as mutual funds, Project Runway, and anal bleaching when our curiosity was piqued by a small boutique hawking menswear of the Cantopop variety. Like moths to an LED light bulb, we wandered inside the shop whose papal-white walls provide a striking contrast to the hedonistic and variegated apparel on display: floriated long sleeve tops, V-necks with Communist China-inspired prints, Kuffiyeh scarves declaring jihad to the untrendy, and other fripperies the Jonas Brothers would wear for an after-party.

I was discreetly investigating the price of a covetable T-shirt with a sequined panda design when an anthropomorphic presence made itself felt within my Doppler-sensitive personal space. "Hello, sir. May I help you?" I turned my head to the direction of the faux American accent and saw before me a twenty-something male with a clip-on smile usually associated with yearbook photos. Cute but not cute enough to rouse my penis from slumber. "No, thanks. I'm just looking," I told him in a non-verbal, shake-your-head-and-smile kind of way.

But the sales rep apparently didn't get the memo because he launched into a monologue on the merits of his overpriced merchandise while I quietly pursued my expedition for new threads. "Sir, that's from our latest collection, just arrived from Malaysia. As you can see sir, the theme of our collection is China Champ, which is very much in right now because of the Beijing Olympics, sir. We only import a limited number of each piece, sir. You can try that shirt on, sir, if you want. We have different sizes available, small, medium, and large. That's one of our bestsellers, sir. That would look really good on you, sir."

Then came the clincher, the deal-sealer: "Sir, do you know that our clothes are worn by top celebrities such as Dingdong Dantes, Tim Yap, and Boy Abunda?"

Soon as my auditory cortex processed those last two names, these images popped into my head like malignant brain tumors:

Just who in the Milky Way, Andromeda, and Triangulum Galaxies would want to emulate the fashion (non) sense of these individuals? Certainly not I.

Breaking the sound barrier, I left the store sans my bewildered Hubby, who would later find me in another shop trying on a plain black cotton shirt.